


Ai Laik Leksa.

by Heavenseyes



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 03:30:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6499066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heavenseyes/pseuds/Heavenseyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa was not as strong as everyone thought she was,but one thing she learned was that love was not her Weakness.<br/>-<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Lexa had lived her life exactly the way it was before the incident happened, only she appeared to be quieter, more reserved. She cut off all of her emotions when she was among her peers, but when she was alone, or with Costia, she allowed herself to become human once more.  
She'd let out all of that pain that had been rushing through her veins permanently ever since,only with her beloved;

but now she was gone.

Jus drein,jus daun.  
Blood must have blood.

That was what Costia wanted for her Lexa.

She was captured by the Ice nation whose queen believed she knew all her secrets.  
Because she was hers,they tortured her,killed her,cut off her head.  
They had tried to harm Heda,only to fail miserably,or so she made them believe,therefore it had been Costia's turn.

Everything was still fresh in her mind as she caressed gently her barely round-shaped stomach with her fingertips,which still made her shiver somehow,while her mind went through all those agonizing memories.  
Lexa winced at the feeling of her own skin, as she remembered how it felt to be touched by the man who had brought the darkness in her life,the man who had created this child against her will,the man that now was dead.

(Flashback)  
Lexa knows she should feel some sort of relief, but all she felt was anger and sadness and pain. She didn't know if she would be strong enough to end his life, because she knew she wants him to suffer like she would for the rest of her life.  
He had made her his own against her will,he deserved to die.  
She was no ones,but Costia's.  
She slid the knife in his chest,anger pumping through her body as she pronounced the words "Yu Gonplei Ste odon."  
(End) 

She had never given an explenatiom for this;being the commander she did not need or intend to.  
Only Costia and Indra knew about her secret.  
No one else needed to know,she could not allow herself,as the commander, to appear weak in front of her people.  
All her people knew,was that she was needed in Polis for the next few months to negotiate the future of the coalition,to train and that she would leave in a few days.

Now Lexa herself,was uncertain of  the faith of her unborn child.  
She knew from the beginning Heda was not meant to have children.  
Being the Commander's child could cost them their lives one day,and regardless of the circumstances,she did not wish death for any child,nor she did for a child of her own.  
Therefore,she did not wish to have a child,unfortunately as her mentor Anya had always reminded her several years ago,their youth was the future of the coalition of the twelve clans,which she needed to maintain for her people's sake and her own.  
She was perfectly capable to separate feeligs from duty,she knew her decision was to be taken regarding of how it would benefit their people,so it was agreed that this child was going to be brought into this world.

She did not give a chance to herself to try and figure out wether she intended to raise and mother this child. Not that the had thought never crossed her mind,it was always there waiting for her to elaborate it,never letting her forget go past it.  
She was just willing to avoid it.  
She was a leader to her people,a warrior, merciless,strong,fearless,powerful, but this was making her weaker day by day aa she struggled to cope with her agony,she would not show that side of herself to them.

Of course she had never thought about having children but now that she was carrying one,she felt like it was a part of her,like she was almost growing with it.  
Although,Lexa had a feeling that it was not a decision that she would be able to make.  
She couldn't come back with a child just like that,how would she even explain their presence?  
After the child would be born,they would be sent off to another family to take care of them anyway.  
She did not wish to have,did she?

She wasn't sure if she was going to love this child as a mother should do,but somewhere deep inside she felt like no matter what,she was going to protect it.  
It was just a matter of instinct,she told herself.

Time is what she really needed,in terms of healing.  
Lexa didn't know if she was ever going to heal from that horrendous experience,she wasn't sure if she would forget either,but she knew that the scars on her body and soul would never go away.  
Another burden to carry for the rest of her life,she thought.

Sometimes,children from the village would come to offer her flowers that she would intersecate in those brown locks of hers that fell perfectly on her shoulders.  
She had that feeling that even though they did not know anything about this,they understood her pain and sorrow from the look on her eyes.  
That is what she loved about them.  
Their soul was still as pure as the light,their generosity was beyond the understanding of a human's mind. Their smiles were able to fill the heart of the most cruel of men in his darkest day.  
They would sit for hours creating those marvellous braids of hers as she told them stories about the history their people,while they listened carefully.  
"Heda,I want to be like you,one day." Tris had the courage to state with determination in her eyes.  
Lexa remembered how she had discovered the 7 year-old-girl to be a Nightblood just  several days before.

(Flashback)  
Lexa was awoken by a sudden screaming that came from outside.  
At first she thought it had been a dream,ghost from her awful past;dead people seeking revenge for what she had done to them.  
Spirits of the Commanders that came before her to give her a warning,but as she opened her eyes, realization hit her.  
The sound came from right outside her tent,it was similar to a cry,but she did not overthink it as she run right outside to see if someone was somehow endangered.  
On the right side,a little girl was sitting down on the ground as she sobbed softly looking down at her knee.  
Lexa did not think about it twice as she knelt down over the child whispering soothing words,holding a hand out for the child to take.  
"Do you think you can walk,child?" The little girl nodded taking her hand as she got up still unsure of what to say.  
"Come with me,I'd better take you inside and clean that up,shall we?" She offered the child a faint smile to reassure her.  
She took the girl inside of the tent and sat her on her bed.  
Lexa brought a cloth and some warm water next to her.  
"What is your name,little girl?" She dipped the cloth in the warm water and turned to face the girl once again.  
In the light she was finally able to take a look at her wound,and that's when she saw it.  
She maintained herself calm and composed as to not scare the girl into anything that might be not easy to her understanding.  
"My name is Tris,Heda." Her voice came out as a soft whisper,tears still streaming down her rosey cheeks.  
Being with the commander was always somehow uncomfortable for whom never met her in person.  
"Tris,tell me,is it the first time that you bleed?" Lexa was trying to make sure that the girl knew what that dark color of the blood coming out of her skin meant to her,to them.  
"No,Heda it has occured to me before." The girl looked down at her knee.  
"Do you know what it mean?" Lexa was inspecting the girl's facial expression.  
"Indeed I do."  
"Well then,I suppose you are aware that you must be trained as every other Nitblida,to achieve enough strength,wisdom and compassion so that one day you'll have a chance to succeed me." The words came straight out of her mouth.  
Lexa was perfectly aware that it was a child she was talking to,that maybe she could have been less harsh about it,but somehow she had a feeling that it was no surprise to the young girl.  
"But you already knew that,isn't that true?" Lexa had expected such thing to happen,just not like that.  
"Yes,Heda." The girl looked down.  
Her hands were almost shaking and she seemed scared,like if she was trying to hide something.  
Lexa felt her heart almost break at the image of a child that was so young,but already knew that feeling of fear.  
Lexa approached the little girl but as she saw her shifting she did not get any closer.  
"I will ask you a question which for I demand answer,but I promise you that there will be no punishment given to you nor to your parents,no matter the answer given,is that alright?" The girl looked up,feeling safer now that she was certan no harm was going to be done to her or her family.  
"Were you already aware of the faith that is ahead of you?" The girl slowly nodded as she grabbed Lexa's hand gently.  
"My mother.." the girl was unsure about telling the truth was going to benefit her but lying to the Commander was considered even worse than treason,she had no choice.  
"My mother does not want me to train,Heda. She was just trying to protect me.  
She said does not want me to be taken away,that is why she wanted to keep it a secret."  
She tried to judge the situation for the first not as the Commander of the twelve clans but rather as a woman that was carrying a child that she would have to take care of sooner.  
Would she have wanted for her child to suffer as she did and surrender to the faith of every natblida? she honestly wasn't sure of the answer.  
She shook her head as she had her full attention on the girl that now was curled up in the bed.  
"Tris,I understand what a mother must feel when a child is taken from her to train to face their faith,but it must be done. I will keep my word towards you and your mother,but from tomorrow I want you to start your training.  
Her worries will be no longer a problem,as I will personally make sure that nothing happens to you as long as I am alive." She said firmly,ending her speech with a soft smile.  
"Yes,Heda." The girl was clearly exhausted so Lexa didn't have the heart to get her up and take her to her mother,instead she decided to let her sleep for tonight in her bed.  
"You should rest now,I promise I will take you to your mother at first light tomorrow." She finished to clean up her wound and covered her body with a blanket.  
"Commander,"the girl called out as Lexa turned to look at the girl.  
"Your child will be lucky to have you as its mother."The girl smiled making Lexa worry.  
"How did you.." she started but was interrupted by the girl.  
"I promise I will keep this secret as if it was my own Commander." The girl finished as she fell in a deep sleep.  
Lexa's worries were soon soothed,replaced but some affection that she began to feel for the little girl.  
(End)

From that day,they had been closer,as Lexa would personally go and watch her train every day and give her advice on how to hold her sword.  
Lexa's eyes widened as she felt her stomach tighten.  
She let herself feel some sort of compassion and sadness in her heart.  
She did not hope for anyone to take her place and bare the weight of being Heda,but as long as she lived,no one would have to.  
"Yongon,I do not wish for any of you to become heda,I must worn you,although I do believe that if you'll be ready when the day comes,I am certain that my spirit will choose wisely the one that will have strength in enough strength in their soul,wisdom in your mind and compassion in your heart."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone,  
> So I hope you'll like this chapter as much as I did.  
> It took me quite a lot of time to write because of my English but I hope I am getting better ;)  
> Also,I apologize in advace for any mistakes,enjoy!

Lexa awoke from her sleep, with a sour stomach and a foggy head. She managed to get to her sink, depositing bile into the ceramic basin that thankfully wasn't too far from her.  
She was used to it by now,so the vomiting itself didn't bother her.  
What did,was the awful amount of pain she would be in,when it was over.  
Her body felt weak,her stomach ached up to her chest and she couldn't keep her legs steady on the ground.  
She would have to lay in bed to get better and regain some color on her pale face.

"Heda." She heard a female voice say,as she burst into her tent.  
"What is it,Idra?" She murmured as she jumped out of her bed.  
"I apologize Heda,but I must inform you,everything is all set for you to leave."  
"Already?" There was a hint of surprise and fear in her voice.  
She did not expect it to be so soon.  
"Yes Heda." Indra repeated,leaving Lexa to get ready.  
Lexa nodded,making her way to prepare herself.

She stopped to say goodbye to Tris,only because she was out playing in front of her as she was about to mount the horse, and cannot avoid it.  
"Tris," She called out,her voice almost cracking.  
She was really going to miss her,not that she would ever admit it.  
"Yes, Heda," Tris came closer as she bowed before her as a sign of respect.  
"I must go now,Tris.  
I can no longer be present during you training sessions.  
But you shall not stop training for any reason.  
I will keep my promise to you and your family,and I will make sure that you're safe and sound even if I am not around to assist you.  
Remember,you are the most likely to succeed me,don't let you fears stop you from achieving what you are meant to be." The thought of giving her a sincere hug crossed her mind,as she actually considered it for a brief moment.  
'Love is weakness. Don't let it get to you' Lexa thought.  
Love was a luxury that a commander could not afford,not pubblicly at least.

Not after Costia.

Suddently her thoughts were interrupted by two hands wrapped around her waist.  
A smile tinged with sadness spread over Tri's face and she squeezed Lexa,who was unable to return the hug.  
"I will miss you," she said in a tiny voice and hugged her tighter.  
"Stay safe," Lexa murmured to the girl,caressing her back lightly.  
"Goodbye Commander,I will wait for you to return." Tris said waving her hands as she walked away.  
Lexa felt like she wanted to say something but the fear of losing herself stopped her.

The journey to Polis didn't take too long, even with the stops they made to rest and have something to eat.  
She was accompanied by two guards,to make sure she'd get to polis unharmed.  
She was perfectly abe to defend herself from any threat,in fact she was pretty annoyed to be escorted by those guards,one ahead of her and the other one behind,but Indra had said that her safety came before her wishes,and if ensuring her safety,meant she needed even hundreds of guards,so be it.  
Lexa didn't really try questioning her,she just decided to go along with the plan.  
She still was trying to get her head around things,and try to figure out how her life was going to be for the next 7 months,at least.

They approached the familiar stretch of woods behind her home cautiously.  
When they noticed no immediate threats, one of them gave Lexa a nod to proceed.

Lexa finally entered her home in Polis withing a few hours and tried to resist the urge to fall onto her bed to sleep the afternoon away.  
Nothing had changed from her last visit.  
Well,nothing expect two people that were staring at her widely at the centre of the room.  
"Heda," they both say,giving her a respectful bow,before starting to speak again.  
She looked at them one by one until she could see their faces clearly,recognizing each of them.  
Luna rushing toward her, concerned, wrapped her arms around her friend. "I've missed you." She mumbled into the woman's shoulder, holding her tight.  
"And I you." Lexa replied, smiling warmly at her friend. "Indra told us.. everything, Lexa." She said after they pull apart.  
There was sadness mixed with pity in her eyes. She gave a soft smile to Lexa.  
"I believe she did." Lexa rolled her eyes.  
She was not going to discuss such a sensitive topic so openly,not now,maybe not ever. She was not ready for that yet.  
She looked at the man next to her. "I thought it was just going to be you and I,Luna." She spoke,coldness in her voice.  
"And I believe you already know Fayad,our grestest healer." Lexa did recognize him the moment she entered.  
She and Fayad had never got on well with each other since they were children.  
They had had a few unpleasent encounters in which Lexa had learnt never to trust him again.  
"I do." Lexa did not make any eye contact with him the whole time.  
"Leave us,now." She ordered to Fayad who was already making his way out.  
He had not said a word.

A few hours had passed by the time Lexa had started asking Luna questions about her permanence in Polis.  
"Me and Fayad will take care of you personally."  
Luna told her while Lexa walked back and forth across the room.  
"Why him?" She stopped,facing her friend.  
"He is our best healer Lexa."  
"You already said that,but you know how I feel about him." Lexa crossed her arms waiting for a decent explenation.  
"I apologize commander,but he is the only I trust with your secret."  
"Trust means reliance on his integrity, strength, ability, and surety. Are you certain he is worthy of all of that?" She eyed her friend,noticing how she was trying to defend him.  
"I am." Lexa realized what she should have known from the moment she saw them standing next to each other in the room.  
"Luna,do you have feelings for him?" It took a few minutes for Luna to respond. She had never been asked about her personal life before,let alone tell someone about it.   
"I...do Lexa,I do." She spoke out loud those words for the first time,a smile spreading across her face.  
"Then,I must believe your trust is well-placed." Lexa lied. She didn't trust him at all,but she knew she'd better keep her thoughts to herself.  
"It is indeed." She nodded in understandment.  
"I would like to rest,is there anything you wish to tell me before you leave?"  
"We will take care of you,but Lexa,we would like to be aware of your movements inside and outside polis." Lexa was utterly confused at Luna's words.  
"What are you saying,Luna?" She was now looking fiercely in the girls eyes.  
"I apologize commander,but you must not leave your room without us knowing. These are Indra's conditions."  
Anger filled Lexa's eyes as she tightened her jaw.  
"I do not take orders from anyone Luna." Her voice was angry but steady.  
I will not allow my decisions to be questioned." Lexa raised her voice.  
"But you're pregnant,Lexa."  
"It doesn't change anything. I AM the Commander of the twelve clans. I am a warrior and I certainly do know how to fight and to defend myself. Anyond who dares doubting my words will face the consequences."  
Lexa felt like all of that was aboslutely outrageous. Not for the lack or respect that was being shown to her or for the lack of trust in her capabilities,in her opinion,but for the fact that everyone thought she needed to be protected somehow just because she was carrying a child,like they didn't know who she was or what she was capable of.  
"Lexa,no one can know that you're the commander,remember? That's why you're here-"Lexa waved her hand for Luna to stop talking.  
"Luna, I am aware of that but despite the circumstances I am your commander. I already said I won't be taking orders from you or anyone else,I am perfectly able to take care of myself,and anyone that comes along." She snapped.  
Luna decided that she should wait for Lexa to calm down before bringing up the same topic again.  
"We need to do something about your look and your clothes. I do not want to risk someone recognizing you." Luna stated eyeing her critically.  
"You'll have to stop wearing that war paint as well or they might think you're here to train."  
Lexa nodded absentmindedly.  
"Anything else?"  
"You may need a new name."   
Lexa had never thought that her permanence in Polis would mean that she'd have to assume a new identity while around her people.  
She would have to take her responsabilities as heda in the shadows,while pretending to be someone else.  
"I have no intention of changing my name,Luna." That was too much of a change.  
"You're so stubborn." She said under her breath,but Lexa had clearly heard it.  
"Lexa,I wish you treated me as a friend. You do know how much I care about you,just let me help." Lexa had heard those words hundreds of times from her,but she never gave in.  
The thought of Luna getting killed because she was close to her,made her flinch everytime.  
They were close enough already,in Lexa's opinion.  
Luna had a sad look on her face,but Lexa didn't care.  
She won't lose someone else,again.  
"You may leave,now." She turned around as she waited for the door to close,and finally collapsed on her bed,wrapping her shoulders in a warm blanket.

She woke up in the middle of the night by Luna shaking her back, her eyes glistening with worry.

"Come with me, commander." She did not ask. She ordered.  
Lexa saw the worry on her face and decided to not question her tone,for now.  
"What happened? Is someone hurt?"   
"You'll see by yourself. Come along now." Lexa nodded and followed.

They crossed the village in the darkness, Lexa almost running to keep up with Luna's long hurried steps.

In the shadows, Lexa could see the movements in the house.

It alarmed her, but Luna didn't seem too worried about that, so she just quickened her pace and followed her inside a huge room.

There, Fayad was waiting, pacing restlessly, and startled as soon as she saw them.

"This way." said Fayad, making their way towards a small door.  
They stopped before entering as Fayad started explaining everything to Lexa.  
"Heda,one of our man found someone outside in the woods,she was really bad injured just two hours ago,and she has just woken up.  
What worries me is that.." He wasn't quite sure wether to tell her or let her see by herself.  
"Carry on,Fayad."   
" I questionned her and examinated her,I believe she might be telling the truth."  
"What are you talking about?" Lexa was confused.  
"You'll see yourself."  
He finished as he opened the tent. 

There, on the bed, was a young woman,beautiful, but sweaty with pain.  
She was screaming in pain as loud as she could,which was not too loud seeing how exhausted she looked.   
Fayad cleared his throat. "She's here, Heda."

The commander straightened her back, and as soon as her eyes met the blonde's,she walked up to her,immediately waving her hand as a sign for everyone else to leave.  
She has sensed the girl was upset and scared,maybe a crowded placed would have made it worse.  
As everyone was out,Lexa looked at the blonde girl as s  
The woman leaned her back against the wall.  
"My name is Lexa." She offered a soft smile,hoping for the girl to smile back.  
"May you tell me your name?" The girl seemed to be thinking about it for a moment,but then a deafeted look appeared on her face.  
"I don't..remember."

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> First of all if you got here,thank you so much fo reading this.  
> This is the first time I write something on my own,and I hope yoy enjoyed it.  
> As well,I wanted to say that English is not my native language and I am still learning it so please go easy on me.  
> I started to write this a couple of days ago and I ended up with some sort of a plot in my mind but I am quite un sure how the story will evolve.  
> I am not going to introduce Clarke right away,so sadly there won't be Clexa fluff until further on.  
> Please if you have any suggestion to make,feel free to leave some comments.  
> Thank you!


End file.
